We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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