allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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