if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize