no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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