So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
