Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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