no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
