Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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