sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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