I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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