Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I pour the whiskey from now on
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
