I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
