i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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