yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
