I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
