Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
