Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
