so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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