On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize