Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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