I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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