both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
