I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
