he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
