Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
