Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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