Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
