My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
