its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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