Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
