haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
