Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize