I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
