Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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