You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
