seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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