Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize