ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
