i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
