u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
