He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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