Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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