he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
