guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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