just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
