Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize