I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize