mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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