I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize