Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
