I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
