When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
please come you make the beer taste better
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
