im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
