Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize