this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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