My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
