finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
