my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
