i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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