I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
