Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize