just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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