have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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