that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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