Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
