Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize