Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
