gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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