So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
